Thankful

Today, I find myself needed to share what I am so grateful and thankful for in my life. I hate when I get to the point where I feel like I am drowning and in over my head. So many negative thoughts arise, and I am definitely one to dwell on the "what ifs". I have realized lately that I sometimes let those thoughts of fear, defeat and worry consume my life. And not only that, but it changes the way I act towards the ones I love and towards every situation that I find myself in. But today, I woke and realized how lucky I am. It really helps me to reflect on these things when life gets low.

First, I am so grateful to be alive! I am so glad that I was born in this country and to have good health and wonderful surroundings. I am so very blessed to have such an amazing family. They keep me in check and help to keep my stresses at bay. I am very grateful that I have a rent-free place to live while I finish school. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing and who I wake up thinking about every morning. He is what keeps me afloat, my life preserver and my best friend. I am so thankful for the opportunity to go to college even though sometimes I feel like it will never end! And last, lately I have been more and more thankful to faith in God. Prayer and meditation has been one of the only ways that I can get through some days. Sometimes I forget that God is a part of all of this, the backbone of life. Sometimes I wonder where my spiritual self has gone and how I have deviated so far away from the warmth and happiness of God's love in my heart. I hope all of those reading can be just as grateful as I am today.

All things magical

I love Christmas! I have been so busy these last couple of weeks with finals and work to really have any fun however. But it is officially Christmas week! I have to work still, but I'm having so much fun wrapping presents, watching Christmas movies and I'm making Christmas cookies today! Sacrificing sleep to do it, but it is so worth it! I noticed this morning when I was at the store, how cheery Christmas really makes people. Strangers who normally wouldn't give you a second glance strike up friendly conversation and everyone is just so happy, well most people anyways. I think part of it is the snow. I've never had Christmas anywhere where there wasn't snow, so I have no basis of comparison, but there is just something about it. The whole world goes quiet when it snows, it's magical. Anyway, I hope I get over my nasty cold by Wednesday so I can fully enjoy it. Happy Holidays to y'all!

Stressed to the max!

Oh where do I even begin!? A little over a week ago, I started my new job at the post office. And the training is probably the single most stressful task I have ever had to do. Yet, it shouldn't be so hard, I'm just a freaking basket case! It's a self paced computer course that has you go through lessons with practice and then test. Sounds easy right? Well technically it should be, but the pressure of my job on the line (if I don't pass training I can't work there) plus a million other things has led me to a nervous breakdown. I have 2 days left to complete my training, and I'm really close, I'm just really stuck on the last several. Argh! My boyfriend and I work together now, but he, being a carefree boy and all, got through the training just fine, which makes me feel even more inadequate! (Nothing you did baby, I'm so proud of you!, just worried about myself!
I'm generally a nervous person anyway, but I don't think I have ever had this much anxiety. Its awful. I'm having constant anxiety. It's hard to breathe my body goes numb and sometimes trembles, every muscle in my body aches, and I get weird random pains that scare me so then I get even more stressed out. The lack of sleep due to me trying to adjust to my new upcoming schedule(graveyards) is definitely a big part of this as well. And on top of all of that, school is being such a pain in the butt lately. In math the teacher just keeps adding huge assignments so I have 2 huge things due in that class next week, my giant assessment paper due for science, and I still have not finished my hours or taught my lessons! Its all starting to feel impossible! There are so many more things, but I will write more later. I need sleep. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Beautiful Autumn!

What a freaking awesome day it is! It's raining(I LOVE the rain), snowing in the mountains, the leaves are changing color and the air has a crisp fall smell-finally! It is about time that summer is over. This is my favorite time of year! Tonight I am having lunch with my amazing friends Emilia and Kelsey who I haven't seen forever, and today I worked my last morning shift at the coffee shop. It was bittersweet because I had to say goodbye to so many friends that I have made and seen on a regular basis since I started there almost 2 years ago. Most of them saying things like "I'll miss you" and "follow your heart and never give up on your dreams to do bigger and better things." This probably sounds totally cheesy, and ya it kind of is, but it was so sweet of them to wish me well on my future adventures! But farewell coffee folk, I will miss you too.
I recently got a new job working for the United States Postal Service Remote Encoding center. I am so excited to start working! Not because I think it will be super exciting, but the money will be fantastic! I might actually be able to pay for school next year so I can actually graduate! Imagine that! The only downside is that I will be working graveyards so that I can also go to school. It's strange, it's the first time in my life that I am actually looking forward to the change. Usually I am big chicken when it comes to change, and my "worrywart" self takes over (thanks grandma). But I am actually so excited! (Check back in a month after I've been sleep deprived for a while and we'll see if I feel the same way! Haha)
Anyways, I'm so excited not to go home infused with coffee smell anymore! Today is a great day!